Mualimah Salma Khalfan Alawi
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Name: Mualimah Salma Khalfan Alawi
Age: NIL
Location: Qom, Iran
Expertize: Family matters, persoanl concerns eg depression, youth issues and spirituality.
Question:I wanted to ask that is there any amaal to know if boy is right for me to marry or not?

Ayatollah:Sistani

Answer: If you have found out about the boy and whether he has the right criteria of being your spouse which is faith and righteous actions coupled with compatibility with yourself, then I suppose it should be enough with duas and tawassul to the Ahl bait (a.s)
There is a form of istekhara that is authenticated in the Ahadith which is from Imam Jaffer Sadiq a.s also in Bihar al Anwar.
If this is done, then taken help from Allah, you will make the decision with your right mind.
This is done as.follows.
First remember the greatness of Allah and His power, then thank and praise Him and then recite salawat for the Holy Prophet and his pure progeny peace be on them and follow it by reciting this phrase
«انی اسئلك و انك عالم الغيب و الشهاده الرحمن و الرحيم و انت علام الغيوب استخير الله برحمه»
The meaning is,
I seek from you, and you are the knower of everything hidden and apparent, the All Merciful and the Ever Merciful, the knower of all secrets, I yearn for goodness from the All perfect Allah through His Mercy.
InshAllah you will get to know how much the boy can be suitable for you when you strongly feel the decision you want to make.
Question:I have feelings for a shia (and I want to marry him) and I want it to be as halal as possible. My family took out istikhara. They did from 2 different places

One said our marriage will be successful for only 2 months and later on issues will arise and they won't settle, instead they'll grow worse, so much so that it will cause our marriage to end. Where as the second istikhara claims that, the guy is good and ons his end the things are pretty clear but on my end things are not so clear, and there are problems on my end

These are two istikhara's taken out by our sunni maulana’s.

However I also made an istikhara, and that was done my Maulana. He made it with tasbeeh,
He told me to make an intention and he'll carry out the istikhara, and he did and told me that it's ok, good ( he made it via tasbeeh )

How is it possible that one istikhara gives a positive result and the other 2 claim this? If it's good, it has to be good all over, how come it's so dismantled?

Ayatollah:Sistani

Answer: Istekhara should only be taken when there is utter confusion on what action should be taken. In your case, it was so obvious for you that the spouse you had selected for yourself matched the right criteria, therefore, there was no need of istekhara in the first place. If your parents did that without your deep consent even if you outwardly proclaimed otherwise, the istekhara is null and void because you weren't for it due to being sure about your own decision.
On the other hand, scholars say that whenever two istekharas are taken, there should be a different intention for both of them regarding the matter for which it is undertaken. In your case, your parents kept the same intention for both the istekharas so there is a problem to that too.
Thirdly, the person who takes out the istekhara also matters. The more pious and God fearing the person is with the right beliefs and mindset, the more the answer is appropriate.
There are so many deeper meanings of the versus of the Holy Quran that only the awliya of Allah (chosen ones) can understand it so if the istekhara said the marriage would last good for two months, there is simply no proof for the validity and i believe it is superstitious to go for that.
If the shia Mawlana took out the istekhara with your consent only and not your parents, then it is the right one. It is left on you though to convince your parents about this.
Another option is to communicate to your parents and make them understand that it is your own life after all and you yourself have to make the decision, so you have decided to get married to the man of your choice by laying full trust in Allah the Almighty who loves it when decisions are made and trust is kept upon Him, and the outcome will follow with His mercy and blessings InshAllah.
Question:Sibling that are not close and how can one improve on this relationship? The person has tried communicating, but they don’t seem interested and see close cousins as their siblings not the actual sibling. Such for name sake they act and be nice in front of others but you hardly know things about them and always the last person to know what is going on with their life such as them getting engaged and you was not invited.

Ayatollah:Sistani

Answer: A verse of the Holy Quran strongly emphasizes the importance of brotherhood and the closest of brotherhood should be first felt and started between siblings.

The Holy Quran says,
The believers are but brothers, so make reconciliation between your brothers and fear Allah that you may receive mercy.
Surat al-Hujurat 49:10

Sibling rivalry is sometimes apparent and other times hidden. Its so easy to solve this when it is hidden because when one is so connected with the other and comes from single parents, their hearts soften easily specially if they keep on trying. When this indifference gets more intense such that the actions towards one another get cold, then it could turn to a grudge or dislike but never can it be hatred.
We ought to remember and try our best to help our brothers and sisters, this way, we will begin to feel like helping our brothers and sisters in faith too. In reality we are helping ourselves. When we pray for them, the angels pray for us. Fulfilling the rights of brotherhood in Islam is a means for Allah to support us and reward us in the Hereafter. Failing our brothers and sisters in Islam results in Allah withdrawing this support.
Try to meet often and take gifts for your siblings to patch up. Write messages and congratulate them sincerely on happy occasions. Show warmth for them in your words and actions even if it be through sending messages or emails and better still by sending gifts for them even if they're small.
I guess if one party is ready to realize this and give in, slowly it will make a huge difference and the relationship amongst the siblings will become stronger with efforts and prayers for the betterment of themselves and the community.
If this is done exclusively for the sake of Allah, it will make things easier inshAllah.
Question:I wanted to know if:
1)One falls in sin of backbiting or listening bad of others, should he apologize with that person about it or asking forgiveness from Allah swt is enough? And he has have to apologize from the particular person?What is he supposed to do if he fears that their relationship or brotherhood spoils ?
2)What are we supposed to do if we didn’t want to listen bad about others and that falls into our ears unwillingly?

Ayatollah:Sistani

Answer: Gheebah or talking bad about a person or people in their absence is mentioned in the Holy Quran as an evildoing and like eating the flesh of ones dead brother which is deplorable.
However, the doors of forgiveness are always open to a believer who does not wish to repeat his mistake and truly asks repentance to Allah s.w.t.
It would be a good thing to ask the person who was talked about for forgiveness, although in most cases, the ill feeling would tend to increase. Therefore, one can take out sadaqa for the person and try his best to spread good words about him wherever he talked evil about the person in a manner that he should be honored in front of those who regarded him a bad person after hearing the gheebah.
It is best to retain good relationship with the person so now one should try their best not to speak anything behind him and amend their relationship of brotherhood.
A true believer will always try his best to stop listening to gheebah as well. In a gathering for instance, one can either excuse one self, or say good about the person when hearing things spoken against him, or even try advising the people around him of the severity of punishment for whose who do gheebah.
All in all, continues repentance should be asked by the one who engages in such an action.
Question:What amaal can i do to meet Imam Mahdi aj. Also can you give me a dua which will be answered guaranteed?

Ayatollah:Sistani

Answer: If you were to recite Dua Ahad for 40 days and continue doing so sincerely, you will see the imam of our time InshAllah. More important than that is that he is always a witness for us and seeing our deeds day in day out. When one is watchful over this, you will feel the blessed presence of Imam Mahdi (a.s) and this will give you a deep happiness and satisfaction even more than seeing him in presence. He surely knows how much his shia remember him and yearn to be in his presence so this meeting will be fulfilled some day or the other inshAllah.
All duas are answered because calling Allah has no refusal. The prayer can be delayed or something better can be given, or sins can be wiped away or every thing can be fulfilled including reward for calling upon Allah in this world and the hereafter. Every thing is giving here from the one is is always listening and loves one who calls upon him with sincerity.
Dua of Tawassul is specially for asking for fulfilment of Hajat. Recite that regularly and inshAllah all your prayers will be answered.
Question:If a mother of (removed) girls and (removed) boy becomes handicapped and dependent, who is required to take care of her? Her son or her daughters? They are all married with children. I was told the son is obligated to take her in first because the husbands of the daughters are not obligated to take care of their mother in law. But we could make the same argument for the wife of the son.

Ayatollah:fadlalah

Answer: When a mother faces such a predicament in life, it becomes incumbent on all her children to help her and take care of her physically and emotionally as much as they can. Due to the son being the stronghold of the family after the father, it is his duty to care for his mother even if his wife is not able to. In Islam, the sons wife should regard her mother in law like her mother and take as much care of her, but if for some reasons she cannot or does not wish to do so, then it is upon her son to hire someone to take care of her if he himself cannot take up the heavy responsibility to take care of his handicapped mother. The reward is immense and so is the satisfaction not to mention the heartfelt prayers done by a helpless mother to her children.
As for the daughters, they too should share some kind of responsibility if they have support from their spouses and families and if it doesn't hinder her other responsibilities. The same reward would also go for them.
Be sure that to leave a mother facing such a helpless state and not receiving help from her children will surely earn the wrath of Allah.
The children should remind themselves when they were young and helpless that it was their mother who bore many difficulties to raise them. This is a test from Allah to see if they're performing their duties well enough now.
Lastly, they should also remember to be kind and benevolent to their mother who also needs emotional support apart from being helped physically. InshAllah it will be easy for them with the help of Allah.
Question:I am a nationality(removed) Syed woman from both sides, maternal and paternal. My sister is in love with a (removed) boy. They were studying together in the same university.
From what I know they are strict (removed). My sister wants to marry this (removed) boy but my family, especially I am very much against this.
Please advise me on how to convince her to stop talking to him, and also please tell me any dua or Quran surah which I can recite to change my sisters mind and heart from marrying. Please also tell me some points which I can tell her to change her mind like how difficult it is for a shia Syed woman to marry outside of sect.

Ayatollah:Khamenei

Answer: Your sister is vulnerable in her own situation and advising her to stop this relationship is futile. If you think you wont be nagging by taking some examples of such marriages between different sects of religion that have failed or are facing a lot of hardship, maybe you can give her such examples. You could also advice her lovingly to seek advice from a learned member of the community or an elder or close aunt or even a good friend of hers. In the meantime you and your parents can pray and tell her without pressuring her that she should really think well before making this big decision which would effect her and even her generation ahead.
If the person she's chosen is a good man, he might change also due to her, one may never know, although it is quite rare but it is possible. To marry a sunni is not forbidden if they don't have ill feelings towards the Holy Prophet and his family. If they do, then they would not be sunni but Naasibi.
In the end, maybe you can tell her to take out an istekhara and see what Allah has to say regarding the marriage. After all she will be confused when you all are warning her of the consequences so it befits that you take out an istekhara after she makes the intention and wants it to be done.
Every kind of prayer can be done to ask Allah for good outcomes eg, isteghfaar, salawats, reciting Hadithe kisa, a forty day amaal, etc.
InshAllah she will make the right decision.
Question:My son is in love with a mushrik(polythiest). I want to know some dua or wazifa to break this haraam relationship. My son is not ready to listen anything.

Ayatollah:Sistani

Answer: There is no specific dua apart from the general duas which you should always make for your children. One dua you should recite daily is the dua for ones children and this is found in Saheefa Sajjafiya of Imam Sajjad (a.s). Its an excellent dua and inshallah both you and your children can benefit from it.
If your son is simply not ready to listen, then the least you can do is to explain him that in order not to affect his future generation after marrying a Kaafir woman, he should at least make her accept the shia faith. After doing your duty to your best, leave the rest upon Allah and be calm. By nagging and forcing, you can never amend any relationship whatsoever. Let him experience it if he insists and see the outcome himself. You may never know, she might change her faith and become better than expected such that she could help your son in turn. Many Such incidents have been heard to happen also in my knowledge.
InshAllah things will take their own path but try never to disown your son even if you have to appear otherwise for him to realize his mistakes.
Question:We are hearing the story of bibi Sayyeda SA that she used to get tired in household chores so maula Ali AS sent her to her baba to ask for a Kaneez and then rasool e khuda gave her the tasbeeh. How true is this?

Ayatollah:Sistani

Answer: Yes it is a true fact that the Holy Prophet (s.a.w) granted this form of recitation to His beloved daughter Hazrat Fatema (s.a) and declared it to be better than a maidservant and in fact and whole world and what is in it. You can find out of its merits in dua.org by typing significance of the tasbeeh.
Question:I wanted to know if we have any narrations or traditions from our Ahlul Bayt a.s. about quitting an addiction or a habit? How should one go about it?

Ayatollah:Khamenei

Answer: Regarding this there are numerous verses in the Holy Quran and i will mention one that directly talks about it.

And as for him who fears to stand in the presence of his Lord and forbids his own soul from its whims and caprices then surely Paradise is the abode. (79:40 & 41)
Whims and caprices are none other then sinful instigations set up by ones own vicious self and shaitan.
So, it is a basic fact that we must have self-control in order to refrain from these whims and desires. If we believe that we should just do what we want by satisfying and gratifying ourselves, then there is no point in talking about spiritual direction.
The habit of falling into a sin begins will lack of self control and will power and to build it, there are numerous traditions on how to go about it.
The first step is to awaken ones heart and sincerely repent. Allah loves those who continuously ask for His forgiveness even if they flip and commit some mistakes that they had not intended to along the way.
Great scholars like Ayatullah Bahjat said that if one were to strictly follow the sharia, ie refraining from the forbidden acts and performing all the obligatory actions, one would purify himself and become close to Allah s.w.t.
Whilst doing this, give charity in the way of Allah as much as you can because if you detach the thing you love like property and wealth, then you will begin to taste what purity is all about inshAllah.
Remember, Islam lays for us simple rules to follow and there is nothing complicated on how to go about it. Everything is in our innate disposition to follow and this is but a reminder for us.
The guilt you have is because you innate self wants to be the best infront of your creator, who is pure and wants His servants to also be pure so that they can get closer to Him and attain perfection.
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