After years of my childhood listening to music, over the past year I have quit. I deleted all music apps and not listening on commutes. I watch lectures on why it’s bad. I’m proud of myself for taking such a huge step. But I find myself sometimes listening to it in the backgrounds and not help but feel some kind of longing for it. Sometimes other people in the car will play music and I try to resist but then I find myself singing. I hate it so much. I come home and cry and punish myself and ask for forgiveness but it keeps happening. How can I diminish music to the extent that I feel sick when hearing it? And this is a cycle of sinning then repenting and I’m scared Allah has had enough. I struggle to stand up to my friends to tell them to turn it off which means even though I quit, I’m not strong enough and it scares me. I’m also stuck between giving myself praise for quitting it and being strict with myself for getting excited when I hear it in stores in the background for instance.

Please don’t be too hard on yourself.

1- It is natural that you will feel a sense of longing to it. When something is a part of your life then you quit it, then it’s natural to yearn for it.

2- As long as you try to be mindful, and when you do end up listening to it you genuinely feel bad and remorseful, Allah will forgive you. This indicates you have respect for Allah’s laws.

3- Continue making the effort to resist it. It is not easy, but Allah will help you. It’s a difficult trial, and over time you will better be able to avoid it and not interact with it.

4- See more spirituality to fill your soul. Give more time to Qur’an, Du’a and Nafila prayers. Think of Allah’s greatness. Thank Him for every blessing. Remind yourself that through God’s obedience, your soul will be infinitely blessed and in joy, and in the Hereafter you will have the company of the Prophet (s) and the Imams (a).

5- As soon you feel that quite excitement, take a break, say “La ilaha illa Allah” a few times, and ask Allah to protect you from it and its effects. This will significantly help Insha’Allah.