I have an extremely difficult relationship with my mother. I always have. No matter what I do she is not satisfied. In fact, whatever I do, she turns it into something negative, as if I’m a bad person, even if it is something good.
She wants to be served all the time and I’m not allowed to have my own opinion or deviate from her way on thinking and doing things….She works against me even if I’m helping her. She also makes false accusations about my character, and makes things up that I have not said, to suit her narrative…I don’t know how to handle her and she’s worn me out over the years. I feel like a bad daughter and I worry about my afterlife, but at the same time I feel oppressed by her, so I also worry about her afterlife….

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Some recommendations:

1- If you are being dutiful and not wronging your mother, then don’t worry. You will not go to Jahannam. If she is not satisfied with you, it won’t affect you. A mother’s dissatisfaction affects the child if they child is being undutiful, disrespectful, or neglectful. If you are not, then please don’t worry.

2- Realize that Allah will grant you a very high reward for being patient with her. You are getting infinite hasanaat when you deal with her and stay patient.

3- Try not to take it personally. Maybe your mother was a victim of emotional abuse when she was a child and now she’s projecting it on you. Maybe it’s life stress that’s making her behave this way—even though it’s unacceptable for her to behave this way. Just imagine you are acting in a play and your role is to deal with a difficult parent. And Allah is the producer and he is evaluating your performance.

4- Don’t let her effect your self esteem. Every time she wrongs you, be patient and say to yourself: I just received a massive reward from Allah, and Allah loves me, so I’m ok.

5- Avoid anything that triggers her.

6- Read this Du’a occasionally. It will help with your situation inshallah:

https://www.duas.org/mobile/sahifasajjadia-dua24-prayer-for-parents.html

7- Try to come up with creative ways to change her negativity into positivity. For example, when she insults you or yells at you, suddenly hug her and kiss her. Over time, this will encourage her to change inshallah.