I am one who has been struggling with the desire to be a woman since my earliest memories at 5 or 6. Puberty was very difficult for me and I developed OCD and anxiety during it. I started developing a very masculine body with lots of hair so I started to hate my body and myself. In university it got so bad that I developed very severe suicidal depression and had to take leave for a few semesters because of my mental state.

I have been on antidepressants since and tried to repress my thoughts for years since then. But now things are getting much worse. My hatred of my male body and desire to be a woman and a mother–my "dysphoria–has exacerbated severely. I constantly think of transitioning and starting the process of medical intervention to look more feminine but this will ruin my life.

My dysphoria and these thoughts just have been getting harder to struggle against.

Please advise me.

by

May Allah help you with this struggle. It is very difficult indeed.

Some recommendations:

1- Do talk to your parents about this in detail. They will be disappointed, but you need their help and support. This is a difficult dilemma which requires the support of your family. You may not be able to overcome it on your own. My suggestion is to tell them everything. How you have had these feelings since you were a child, and how you became severely depressed, and how you have trying to resist these feelings all your life. Tell them you want to do that which is right, but you need their help. Don’t be upset if they will initially be disappointed. It’s a trial for them as it is also a trial for you.

2- You must see a very good therapist. Sometimes good therapists can help you. What city do you live in? Maybe I can ask and see if there is a good therapist there.

3- Don’t lose hope in Allah. This is your trial in life. Don’t let it take away your faith or make you collapse. Allah will help you.

4- Some scholars have allowed undergoing a complete sex change as a last resort.

5- Train yourself not to hate your body. Allah gave you this body. It’s a gift. Try to accept it even if you don’t like it. Also, try not to hate Allah for putting you in this situation. Life is a trial, and this is your trial. Be patient.

6- Please do the following a’mal to seek relief for your situation. They are quite effective:

1- Do sujud for several minutes each and with a deep breath each time say: سبحان ربي الاعلى وبحمده (subhana rabbial a3la wa be7amdeh)

2- Betore sleeping, say 100 times لا اله الا الله (la ilaha illa allah) and take a deep breath each time

3- Read this Du’a:

يَا فَارِجَ الْهَمِّ ، وَ كَاشِفَ الْغَمِّ ، يَا رَحْمَانَ الدُّنْيَا وَ الْآخِرَةِ وَ رَحِيمَهُمَا ، صَلِّ عَلَى مُحَمَّدٍ وَ آلِ مُحَمَّدٍ ، وَ افْرُجْ هَمِّي ، وَ اكْشِفْ غَمِّي .
يَا وَاحِدُ يَا أَحَدُ يَا صَمَدُ يَا مَنْ لَمْ يَلِدْ وَ لَمْ يُولَدْ وَ لَمْ يَكُنْ لَهُ كُفُواً أَحَدٌ ، اعْصِمْنِي وَ طَهِّرْنِي ، وَ اذْهَبْ بِبَلِيَّتِي ".
– وَ اقْرَأْ آيَةَ الْكُرْسِيِّ وَ الْمُعَوِّذَتَيْنِ وَ قُلْ هُوَ اللَّهُ أَحَدٌ – .
" اللَّهُمَّ إِنِّي أَسْأَلُكَ سُؤَالَ مَنِ اشْتَدَّتْ فَاقَتُهُ ، وَ ضَعُفَتْ قُوَّتُهُ ، وَ كَثُرَتْ ذُنُوبُهُ ، سُؤَالَ مَنْ لَا يَجِدُ لِفَاقَتِهِ مُغِيثاً ، وَ لَا لِضَعْفِهِ مُقَوِّياً ، وَ لَا لِذَنْبِهِ غَافِراً غَيْرَكَ ، يَا ذَا الْجَلَالِ وَ الْإِكْرَامِ ، أَسْأَلُكَ عَمَلًا تُحِبُّ بِهِ مَنْ عَمِلَ بِهِ ، وَ يَقِيناً تَنْفَعُ بِهِ مَنِ اسْتَيْقَنَ بِهِ حَقَّ الْيَقِينَ فِي نَفَاذِ أَمْرِكَ .
اللَّهُمَّ صَلِّ عَلَى مُحَمَّدٍ وَ آلِ مُحَمَّدٍ ، وَ اقْبِضْ عَلَى الصِّدْقِ نَفْسِي ، وَ اقْطَعْ مِنَ الدُّنْيَا حَاجَتِي ، وَ اجْعَلْ فِيمَا عِنْدَكَ رَغْبَتِي شَوْقاً إِلَى لِقَائِكَ ، وَ هَبْ لِي صِدْقَ التَّوَكُّلِ عَلَيْكَ . أَسْأَلُكَ مِنْ خَيْرِ كِتَابٍ قَدْ خَلَا ، وَ أَعُوذُ بِكَ مِنْ شَرِّ كِتَابٍ قَدْ خَلَا ، أَسْأَلُكَ خَوْفَ الْعَابِدِينَ لَكَ ، وَ عِبَادَةَ الْخَاشِعِينَ لَكَ ، وَ يَقِينَ الْمُتَوَكِّلِينَ عَلَيْكَ ، وَ تَوَكُّلَ الْمُؤْمِنِينَ عَلَيْكَ .
اللَّهُمَّ اجْعَلْ رَغْبَتِي فِي مَسْأَلَتِي مِثْلَ رَغْبَةِ أَوْلِيَائِكَ فِي مَسَائِلِهِمْ ، وَ رَهْبَتِي مِثْلَ رَهْبَةِ أَوْلِيَائِكَ ، وَ اسْتَعْمِلْنِي فِي مَرْضَاتِكَ عَمَلًا لَا أَتْرُكُ مَعَهُ شَيْئاً مِنْ دِينِكَ مَخَافَةَ أَحَدٍ مِنْ خَلْقِكَ .
اللَّهُمَّ هَذِهِ حَاجَتِي فَأَعْظِمْ فِيهَا رَغْبَتِي ، وَ أَظْهِرْ فِيهَا عُذْرِي ، وَ لَقِّنِّي فِيهَا حُجَّتِي ، وَ عَافِ فِيهَا جَسَدِي .
اللَّهُمَّ مَنْ أَصْبَحَ لَهُ ثِقَةٌ أَوْ رَجَاءٌ غَيْرُكَ ، فَقَدْ أَصْبَحْتُ وَ أَنْتَ ثِقَتِي وَ رَجَائِي فِي الْأُمُورِ كُلِّهَا ، فَاقْضِ لِي بِخَيْرِهَا عَاقِبَةً ، وَ نَجِّنِي مِنْ مَضَلَّاتِ الْفِتَنِ بِرَحْمَتِكَ يَا أَرْحَمَ الرَّاحِمِينَ .
وَ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَى سَيِّدِنَا مُحَمَّدٍ رَسُولِ اللَّهِ الْمُصْطَفَى وَ عَلَى آلِهِ الطَّاهِرِينَ

4- Read this Du’a 4 times a day:

“Allahomma inni atawajjahu ilayka bi nabiyyika nabiyyer-rahma wa ahle baytihi-lladheena khtartahom ala ilmin alal alameen. Allahomma dhallel li so'obataha wa huzunataha wakfini sharraha fa innakal kafil mo'afi wal ghalibol qaher."

5- Put the Qur’an on your heart and recite verse 82 of Sura al-Israa:
وَنُنَزِّلُ مِنَ الْقُرْآنِ مَا هُوَ شِفَاءٌ وَرَحْمَةٌ لِّلْمُؤْمِنِينَ

6- Read this Dua daily:
https://www.duas.org/Amn.htm

7- Everyday pray 2 rak’as like the morning prayer, then when done gift it to Imam Mahdi. Say O Allah I offer this prayer as a gift to Imam Mahdi. Then talk to Imam Zaman and ask him to help you with this situation. This prayer is very effective

8- After the morning prayer, but your hand on your heart and say 70 times يا فتاح (ya fatta7)