I have been struggling with faith and this state is horrifying. The more I try to attain nearness the more farther I get. My lack of knowledge seems to be a barrier as I don't know where to begin. Actually I don't even know where I wish to be. I'd be thankful if you could help me out here.

I recommend the following:
1- Increase your knowledge. One of the best ways to address struggling with your faith is deepen your religious knowledge. Be familiar with the teachings of Ahlulbayt (a). Take some online courses (we offer some at hujjahseminary.com). Nahjul Balagha 01 and Usul al-Kafi 01, or even Islamic Beliefs 01, are a good start.

2- If you are experiencing any doubts, see this video:

https://youtu.be/3KAIVZ5aOL4

3- Say 100 times a day “La ilaha illa Allah”

4- Come to see the beauty of God and His creation. Remember that He is the source of all goodness, power, richness and beauty. Even if there is evil in this world, allowing it serves a noble purpose. It’s like the wrong answer in a multiple choice exam. It validates the test.