I made a pretty bad mistake. My heart has hardened alot in the past 2 years due to my constant transgressions and unthankfulness for the bounties the Almighty (SWT) had bestowed on me. I’m narcissistic, i have an inferiority complex, I’m arrogant, materialistic, a people pleaser, I’ve engaged in zina and masturbation, and I’ve done many sins in my past. But with all my flaws I know my heart is in the right place

I know despair is a sin but I can’t help it due to my situation (it was my own fault and I take responsibility for it and can only hope that Allah (SWT) forgives me. I’m not doubting his mercy but I feel ready to give up, and yes suicide did cross my mind countless times but I couldn’t do that to my family, plus an eternity in hell isn’t worth it) please help me.

We are all lousy and not worthy, and it’s only Allah’s mercy that we rely upon and nothing else. Despair is from the devil, because his deception leaves you to believe that success is measured by wealth and that a sinner is useless and how dare he think that he stands a chance. The only thing that I want you to think about is this, if God was merciless and his mercy was only meant for the good; then why does he make so many avenues to get people into paradise? To the point that one may repent on their last breath.
My secret to living a happy life is to take one day at a time and stop thinking about tomorrow. Make your peace with Allah now and tomorrow deal with tomorrow. Imagine today as a new day and start walking in that direction.
In gaming terms (look at life )
Remember you are player one and everyone else is a bot. You need to finish the tasks at hand and don’t worry about the AI characters they are just programmed in to make the game run.