My date for khums is 13th Rajab but one of my relative need money for her eye operation so I want to advance my Khums date to help her. She is sadaat but married to non sadaat. Can I still give her Sehme Sadaat? Whether Sehme Imam part can also be given to her or do I need to take permission for it? Also I have lent money to friend but haven't got it back for many years now and I have not paid Khums on that, should I wait to get it back and then pay Khums as and when received or I should pay it now?

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If you want to pay Khums before your due date I mean whatever date you have fixed for it then in this case you are only authorized to pay Khums on that money only which is your net saving on the date your want to release it.
As for as Sadaat concern if that lady is Sadaat despite she married with non Sadaat she can take Khums money according to her need.
You are not allowed to give Sahme Imam unless you get Permission from your own Marja or from his Representative (Wakeel) appointed by him.
For the money you have given to someone, before your due date will be considered as your expenditure. But if he returns it before your due date then you have to pay khums on it.