I can understand that I saw my father in his last days on a ventilator and could not even communicate with him. It was very painful but after he left this is what I trained my self :
If my father left, the original care taker lives who was the creator of my father and blessed me with him will make others who could give me fatherly care and passion. So He swt was always there for me taking care of me. Thereforemake your connections with Allah swt and such will indeed.
So sorry to hear what kind pain you are going through. Allah swt is always there try reaching out to Him.