Sayyed I’ve been going through trials lately, and I didn’t expect it to last this long.

1) I’ve been trying to clean my past from sins, and I’ve tried to be sinless, but it lead me to depression. I cut out things which would trigger the things that pushed me to sins, and eventually, I fell in depression. Did I do something wrong?

2) I find it hard to trust Allah (SWT) now, I fear that if I commit a sin, he will take away certain blessings I have.

3) Why is everything hard to get? Is this what I get for trying to be sinless? I know, “When Allah (SWT) loves someone he puts him through tests, and drowns him in the ocean of suffering” but until when? Can I not live in peace? Will it be an exam until I get into the grave? Nothing is working out.

Okay, let’s say one gets used that this life is a test, one has to second though every blessing? “Will Allah SWT test me with this blessing?” “How do I prepare for this test?” How can you enjoy blessings, when Allah (SWT) tests you?

4) I’m on anti depressants too

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1- Remember that Allah’s mercy surpasses everything. You must see Allah positively not negatively. Say to yourself: I have repented, and Allah accepts my repentance because He is generous and merciful.

2- Don’t be obsessed with the fear of Allah taking away blessings from you if you sin. Say to yourself: I won’t sin not because I fear a blessing being taken away from me, but because I have no reason to sin against my creator when He is such a wonderful Lord. Think like this. It helps a lot.

3- We go through trials, but Allah does give us peace in our hearts. It doesn’t mean life is constant pain and suffering. Sometimes we go through difficulties then the relief comes. Always ask Allah for relief.

4- Here are some tips to help with depression:

1- Do sujud for several minutes each night and with a deep breath each time say: سبحان ربي الاعلى وبحمده (subhana rabbial a3la wa be7amdeh)

2- Betore sleeping, say 100 times لا اله الا الله (la ilaha illa allah) and take a deep breath each time

3- Read this Du’a 4 times a day:

“Allahomma inni atawajjahu ilayka bi nabiyyika nabiyyer-rahma wa ahle baytihi-lladheena khtartahom ala ilmin alal alameen. Allahomma dhallel li so'obataha wa huzunataha wakfini sharraha fa innakal kafil mo'afi wal ghalibol qaher."

4- Put the Qur’an on your heart and recite verse 82 of Sura al-Israa:
‎وَنُنَزِّلُ مِنَ الْقُرْآنِ مَا هُوَ شِفَاءٌ وَرَحْمَةٌ لِّلْمُؤْمِنِينَ

5- Read this Dua daily:
https://www.duas.org/Amn.htm

6- Everyday pray 2 rak’as like the morning prayer, then when done gift it to Imam Mahdi. Say O Allah I offer this prayer as a gift to Imam Mahdi. Then talk to Imam Zaman and ask him to help you with this situation. This prayer is very effective

7- After the morning prayer, but your hand on your heart and say 70 times يا فتاح (ya fatta7)