This is truly a difficult one for me. I love my wife, I think she is an amazing person, we do have certain conflicts in behaviour but there are many things that she is great at (hijab, modesty etc) but the main area of concern for me (that’s starting to affect the relationship a bit) is attraction. What I’m trying to say is that I’m not attracted to her like how I would like to be. We always get told Deen Deen and yes, absolutely one must uphold the necessity for Deen in marriage but attractiveness is also really really important. Our sex life is hit and miss, me and her both have a high libido but I don’t seem to want to initiate the "act". Reason I can tell I have a high libido is because I can genuinely feel sexual energy building up in me but the satisfaction isn’t there when I do the deed with her.

You may ask why did I decide to marry her in the first place? Out of pure desperation. My circumstances and personal problems at the time forced me to go ahead and get to know her, and I thought that overtime I would grow more and more attracted to her. Sadly this hasn’t turned out for the better.

Psychologists say that when you go through sexual abuse as a child and other forms of trauma you can develop something called hypersexuality. I have been through few cases of sexual abuse as a child, and unfortunately this has lead me to become addicted to unfortunate imagery in the past. Sexual imagery/videos was first shown to me from a tender age. Thankfully, this is being controlled very well in my life due to a lot of self-accountability. Intimacy is constantly in my mind but I don’t seem to feel fulfilled with my wife. I just can’t seem to release all this tense energy that builds up in me with her. Honestly. All my life I thought there isn’t a need to find someone that you find attractive because if you search someone with Deen you will have everything with it.
If you have any recommendations as to what can be done please tell me. I’m sorry if this question has upset you or made you angry in anyway. Wallah this was not the intention.

What I would suggest is to speak to a male scholar in regards to your question and deep concerns. What I can say is yes attraction is very important and beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder. This physical beauty will fade away soon. What will remain is the soul beauty and being soul mates in marriage. You definitely need to go for therapy and also couple counselling. The influence of online world is a disease that has destroyed families and we need to be weary of the consequences in a marriage relationship. I would recommend that you speak to a therapist who can help you heal and also a spiritual guide to help you with protecting your imaan and your marriage. There needs to be empathy in a marriage relationship and imagine if you put your shoes in her place. Just think about it.